


Everybody DOES Love Raymond

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Background Dave/Karkat, Cunnilingus, Dave is bad at coping, Everybody Loves Raymond mentions, F/F, Fingering, Nook Fingering, Rose/Kanaya is still canon here, light domming, light petplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 06:51:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20188081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: Sollux Captor sat cross legged on purple carpet, his grubtop in front of him. He was hunched over, slender fingers dancing over the keyboard and trackpad. He looked back over his shoulder. "Hey. What the fuck is Everybody Loves Raymond?"---Rose lightly dommes Sollux. Dave Strider takes up too much of the spotlight for not even being a character present in this story.





	Everybody DOES Love Raymond

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mirradin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirradin/gifts).

Sollux Captor sat cross legged on purple carpet, his grubtop in front of him. He was hunched over, slender fingers dancing over the keyboard and trackpad. He looked back over his shoulder. "Hey. What the fuck is Everybody Loves Raymond?"

Rose Lalonde looked up from her book. The high fantasy queer wizard romance and erotica genre was booming on Earth C and it was a struggle to keep up with the new releases. But she was certainly going to try. Rose tucked a silk ribbon between the pages and closed the book, turning her head toward Sollux. "Hey? Is that now you address me now? Hey?"

"Whatever, I'm off the clock." He gave a smirk and turned his body to face Rose a bit more.

Rose was trying to remember details about Everybody Loves Raymond. Sitcom, obviously. She wasn't sure what channel. Ray Romano was in it. Or was that his character's name? The only real exposure she had to it was catching bits and pieces on Nick at Nite or TBS when sneaking past her passed out mother to grab something from the kitchen. Suddenly, it hit her. "Is this question Dave related?"

"Oh. Yeah. He has a new website. Big browser based visual novel called 'Finally Some Peace From My Family, But Aw No, This is Just Great! I've Been Reborn in a Fantasy World: A Ray From Everybody Loves Raymond Isekai Adventure Story, Volume One.' It's… extensive, from the looks of it."

"Oh my god. Have you heard from Karkat lately?" Rose grabbed her phone, bringing up Pesterchum.

"No, but I don't that often. I figure he's always too busy being one of two bros sitting on the couch three feet apart because they're gay but refuse to communicate with each other. Are you messaging Dave?"

"No. Jade. Because it was either her or Dirk that made him get a Crunchyroll account and they have to pay. But, yes. Dave has a habit of making big and terrible projects to cope. Usually with trauma or rejection or some crushing embarrassment." Rose paused from typing. "Dave has had a lot of projects. Oh. Hold on. There's Jade."

TT: Jade.  
GG: hey rose! :D  
TT: Have you heard from Dave lately? Or Karkat? Or, as the kids say these days, Davekat?  
GG: nope! well i mean in what timeframe? :/  
GG: not today but this month sure  
GG: but not since the incident

Oh, god damn it. There was an incident. "Shit," Rose muttered.

Sollux looked up again from his computer, maybe slightly sucked into the Everybody Loves Raymond isekai visual novel. "What's up?"

"Jade is mentioning an 'incident.'" The air quotes were evident in her voice. The last time there was an Incident it involved the meteor, Dave, stepping in a puddle of purple and teal fluid, and then spending a week holed up in his room perfecting a collectable card game based around Home Improvement called Tool Duels. The third expansion, Bob Villa Construction Zone Tournament Set, released last month. "Here we go."

TT: Oh no. An incident. Do I want to know?  
GG: no you dont but also yes obviously you do  
GG: karkat was getting out of the shower and was walking across the hall to his room and dropped his towel  
TT: …  
TT: I don't like where this is going, Jade.  
GG: dave said and i quote  
GG: oh damn nice  
TT: No.  
GG: and then they both ran off to their respective bedrooms  
TT: Were you there for this?  
GG: yes and i agree with dave  
TT: Wow, Jade. The sheer level of me not wanting to know this is off the charts.  
GG: oh please  
TT: Actually, I'm going to go. I'll be sure to contact Dave later and--what is it the kids say--dunk on him?  
GG: you know thats what the saying is!  
GG: dont act like you dont know these things  
TT: Bye, Jade.

Sollux was growing less absorbed by the antics of Ray from Everybody Loves Raymond as he learned he was adept at spells and was staring at Rose instead as she put down the phone. "Well?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "It's nothing. Don't even worry about it. Get undressed and come over here." She put the phone down on top of her book.

"Oh! That's sudden. Can I just finish this scenario? I think I'm a dialogue tree away from a bad end here." Sollux smirked, clearly just being difficult.

"Yes, of course. If you find the virtual adventures of a terrible sitcom star to be more appealing than being a good pet. Then by all means, keep me waiting. Rose put a leg up over the arm of the sofa, her purple skirt riding up over her thick hips. She sighed boredly and let her fingers lazily trail along the lace of her black underwear.

It was a struggle to not watch the performance and pretend he was even remotely more interested in Dave's terrible work of staggering genius and dipshittery, but when it came to being determined to be a stubborn ass, Sollux was a champion. "Okay. Let me find a good save point."

Rose huffed. She was torn between demanding he listen to her and come now and not wanting to seem needy. Her hand slipped into her underwear, fingertips teasing at her lips. "I have no idea how you managed to get Aradia and Feferi interested in you. It's baffling."

Sollux gave her a quick glance as he clicked through box after box of text. He was barely reading it at this point, wanting to actually reach a good location to save. "It's because I'm so cute."

"No. That is absolutely not it." She slipped a finger between those lips, her pussy growing warmer and wetter by the minute. "Though. Compared to the alternatives…"

Sollux grinned at the playful insult. "Hmm. And what got you interested in me? If not my stunning good looks."

She tapped her chin with a finger, looking deep in thought, other hand still idly touching herself. "Probably the rumor about you having two bulges."

The troll sputtered and laughed, not expecting that as an answer. "Yeah? Not the reason Kanaya came up with? That I'm a socially acceptable proxy for--"

Rose held up a hand as if to ask for quiet. "We do not discuss my wife's wild theories she has come up with to, to quote the youths, own me after reading a psych textbook for all of two days. Speaking of owning, can my pet please get his ridiculous ass undressed and over here?"

Sollux shuts his grubtop and quickly pulls his shirt off. He lays back and undoes his belt, sliding and then kicking off his jeans, leaving him in a skimpy pair of purple underwear. "God, fine. Hold on."

The woman's eyebrows raised. "You are on the clock now, pet." Her look froze him in place and his cheeks burned yellow.

"Sorry, Mistress. I'm coming." He slid over to the couch and got on his knees at her feet, looking up at her. He was at attention, awaiting orders or direction or whatever she had for him.

Rose Lalonde reached out and ran her fingers through his hair, petting her pet. "You are cute. You're also a rowdy gremlin of a troll. And it's fun to take your reins and get you under control. And you clearly want that too. Which is why I like you. And presumably what Aradia and Feferi were into too." She slipped her other hand from her panties, fingertips slick with her juices. She moved them to his mouth and he instantly parted his lips, taking her digits between them and sucking, eyes locking with hers. "And also, that's incredibly fucking hot."

Sollux felt like his whole face was burning from the praise and he worked his tongue on her fingers before she pulled then from his sucking mouth with a light pop, a strand of saliva connecting them both.

"Good boy." Rose lifted her skirt and pulled those purple panties down to her knees, kicking them off so they dangled around one ankle. She spread her legs, looking at her pet expectantly.

Sollux moved between her legs and placed his hands on her thighs, looking up at her as he kissed along her entrance, feeling her warmth and breathing in her scent. His tongue pushed between her lips and he trailed upward until he was able to circle and press against her clit.

Rose's hand went to his head, the other caressing her own bust through the thin fabric of her dress. She groaned softly and got a fistful of his hair as his nails lightly bit into her sensitive thighs. "Fuck. Good. Good pet."

Sollux went at her with more fervor, tonguing at her clit and then moving down to press into her pussy, his sharp teeth grazing her in a way that sent shivers down her spine.

She wrapped a leg around him and pulled him even closer. Rose trembled, biting her bottom lip to hold back a groan. She pushed against his face as his rhythm changed, and she felt like she was absolutely dripping.

Sollux's face was wet around his mouth and his tongue pumped in and out of his Mistress quicker. The hand on her bust moved to the arm of the couch, gripping so tightly that permanent marks were a concern.

"Fuck, oh fuck." Breathy whispers poured from her, a whine mixed in here and there. Her hips rolled against the troll's face and she whimpered. She couldn't hold back any longer and went silent and tense before a moan erupted from her and her legs gave a tremor, hitting her peak.

Sollux kept at it, but softer. Lapping and licking and teasing until she pulled away slightly and pushed her palm against his forehead. "Mmn. Enough. Too sensitive. Get up here."

When Rose patted her lap, Sollux wasted no time climbing up onto the couch. He leaned in for a kiss and Rose, astoundingly--well, not that astoundingly… it's not like they were constantly stubborn with each other--obliged, tongue pushing into his mouth as he returned the gesture.

She could taste herself on his kiss and she blushed. More than she was already blushing. "Mmm. Yet another reason I keep you around."

"Besides your need for companionship when Kanaya is doing important jadeblood cavern things."

She reached down and playfully slapped his exposed ass cheek. "Well, I didn't want to be the one to say it out loud. Now, lie down. Face up. Head on a pillow."

Sollux knew what was coming and moved into position, his ass resting on her lap. The warmth and damp was apparent as soon as Rose began palming the front of his underwear, his bulge pressed snug against the fabric.

She said her fingers to the edge and pulled the front to the side. No time was wasted as Rose's digits entered that yellow-tinted nook. His bulge coiled against her wrist and moved with a needful instinctive movement.

"Mmmph, fuck. Thank you, Mistress."

"Mm. My pet has such a hungry nook, doesn't he?" She slipped two fingers in and then out again before slowly building a rhythm of fingering him. His bulge was drooling fluid on her forearm. Rose didn't mind. "See the nice things you get when you listen to me?"

Sollux's head was swimming. He nodded before managing to squeak out an affirmative. His tunnel squeezed at those two fingers and he groaned.

She moved faster and with more eagerness, the noise of the in and out distinctive and deliciously lewd. Especially added to the sounds her pet made, which he worked diligently but unsuccessfully to hide.

Sollux let out a shuddering moan as her fingers grazed the underside of the length of bulge still hidden by his nook and he was suddenly much wetter. These underwear and her skirt would be going right in the laundry.

"Oh! You like that?" She did it again. And again. With a feather light touch. With a firmer pressure. A clockwise circular motion. That's what got him, tensing up hard before gushing and making a mess of them both even further. He would probably get stuck being the one to scrub the arm of the couch.

Rose allowed her fingers one more slow stroke before withdrawing. "Now, wasn't that better than anime Raymond?"

Sollux lifted a finger to indicate he needed a moment. Obviously still catching his breath. "I don't know… I mean," he smirked and Rose prepared for the worst. "Everybody does love him."


End file.
